I thought I was finally getting better yesterday. I felt fit and ready to ride. But after a few minutes in the saddle I was exhausted and I thought that was it. I just wasn’t over the flu yet. But by the time I got home it was clear I was having a full blown paralysing panic attack. I haven’t had one like this before. My heart wouldn’t slow down no matter what I did. I ended up collapsed on the bed, lips and nails turning blue and acute pain in my head and arms. A combination of Rescue Remedy, deep breathing and my brother holding my hand and eventually my heart regained a normal rhythm.
5 months ago
It was seemingly out of the blue. But looking now, I see these are old wounds I am opening and prying into as I take inventory for Step 4. My body’s natural reactions are being overwhelmed by long forgotten pains. I am glad of it though, I embrace it, it will be the last time my body grieves over these old hurts. This is the poison being drawn out. I just got over confident and forgot to be extra gentle, extra loving and extra caring with myself. This journey of self discovery is by far my most interesting one.