Weight gain, growth, and true self-love.
No, this has not been easy and I do have many days where I feel insecure, down, and anxious due to body image. I, although, am not letting the negative energy win and overcome me as I am stronger than that and I value myself, and I will prioritise self-love if it is the last thing I do.
Since I started recovery, I have slowly but surely started to gain weight, but more importantly, I have also started to heal my relationship with food, re-discover myself, prioritise my relationships with the people around me and shift my focus from weight loss and exercise to spreading love n light. Yes, I have gained weight (which is bloody amazing as my body is healing itself and slowly growing back into it’s state where-in it can flourish most), but there is so much more to it than just that that I have gained on this journey, and I tend to forget that sometimes, but if I only think of my weight, am I really fully recovered? Looking at my growth from not just a physical point of view, but a mental point of view as well is so, so important to me. Self-love comes from within, not from the exterior, and being mindful of the way I think and how beautiful my soul is overrules any physical changes, no matter how beautiful they also may be. As the incredible India.Arie sings “I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am the soul that lives within”. 💛🌟🌈
Nouveau coup de projecteur sur la pomme bretonne de @lateliermuscade
30 min de course, 5 burpees toutes les 2 minutes!
Bonne dégustaction 😘
♨️attention, l’abus d’aliments sucrés ultra transformés est dangereux pour votre santé!
إلى كل أم تحاول ان تعالج قلبها المكسور،،، أرسل لكم حب و أمل و تفاؤل،،،
Day 29: First day of work! Challenged myself by not using crutches, didn't have much pain ☺️ I'm so thankful for the recovery so far
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 when you feel the fear but do it anyway you’re a strong person. There was a time I wouldn’t even get on a bus without having a panic attack cos of my emetophobia, now I’ve flown 7 times in the past year with 3 more flights this week. Each time gets a bit easier! There was a time when I would be anxious 24/7 all day everyday! Now I’m only anxious before travelling or a life change. Look at how far you’ve come, not at how far you have left to go. You got this 💛
When our sense of self has not yet fully developed we can quite often try to find it in another.
We get into a relationship and we feel needed, our sense of self feels temporarily complete, we then may begin to lose our identity even further, become a shape shifter, we end up liking everything our partner likes, we forget about what we were currently working on or what we were developing for and in ourself.
When the relationship is over we are devastated, our world crumbles, we can't cope because it's not just our partner we lost, we end up losing ourself again, we don't know how we will go on without them.
We usually find ourselves in another relationship rather quickly after this, instead of building our sense of self we again look for it in another and another and another...we get stuck on this relationship hamster wheel subconsciously looking for completion.
Someone to make us feel whole.
I'm not saying don't get into a relationship while healing but if you do, you have to call your bullshit, you have to check yourself again and again and again.
Do you get into a relationship and stop doing the work on yourself, do you feel lost and empty without your other? Can you still do things and enjoy them on your own and with friends?
Keep on building and being curious about yourself as your own person.
Practice making choices in your relationship, speaking up for what you want and don't want.
Play with knowing what your turn ons and offs are. Make decisions around what you want to eat, where you want to go, what you want to do, what you expect from your partner and from yourself.
Learn how to be fulfilled by your own interests and own company.
Practice becoming more of you each and every day so you don't have to morph into another to make you feel as though you are safe or have worth in the world.
Building your sense of self often goes hand in hand with building a sense of safety, this is easier said than done, but with the guidance of a great therapist you can build yourself up so you can choose to co exist and co create with another instead of becoming codependant with another.
#trauma #recovery #attachment #relationships