did this for @molls.trying
yesterday whilst watching love island 🌴(it’s all her fav foods ;) ... and Im in love with the concept!! (Even if i do say so meeeself 😋) An entire page, dedicated to all of someone’s favorite things ☺️☺️😊
Bassically I need new ideas of things to paint and I have all of you lot following me.... so... go on then.... what’s YOUR top 3 to five favorite things EvEr?! 😉
Food, flowers, pets, smells..... lets have the lot 😉😉😝
U P D A T E
Things have been going incredible! I am listening to my hunger, eating what I want, having fun, going out etc. I weighed myself the other day and from my lowest I have gained 12kg which I am so amazed by! My physical state is at a very good point and I now have the energy to do the things I am doing:) Mentally things have been going okay, not brilliant but it is so much better than what it used to be. Yes the voices are still in my head and they can be very loud but this is something that everyone has to deal with and I know that I am not alone. Constantly my head tells me to go back to restricting but the main thing keeping me going is my metabolism. I can eat a very good amount of food to maintain my weight and I don’t want to wreck that because just one day of restriction can completely mess it up! Overall things are going well and I want to keep this up. Me and my mom have started talking more about things which feels super good because I feel like my ed used to make me hide my true feelings from her but now she is constantly telling me how amazing I have done and how proud she is of me. Life is definitely getting better!!!
Вчера второй раз была у психолога.
Никаких особых открытий сделано не было. Она слегка поужасалась моему прошлому, но мне показалось, что она была не столько шокирована, сколько она хотела показать мне, что то, о чем я рассказываю, абсолютно НЕ-НОР-МАЛЬ-НО. Не то, чтобы я этого не знала, но даже к самым большим ужасам как-то привыкаешь.
Помимо этого мы проговорили план на будущее: она сказала мне вести дневник. Я очень этому обрадовалась, потому что предыдущая психолог в 2016 году мне его вести запретила. Так что осталось лишь подыскать достойную тетрадь! Без этого никак. 😀
И еще – она меня взвесила. Я была шокирована – весы показали на 9 кг меньше, чем я думала. Мне даже кажется, что там что-то не так с весами, потому что ну быть такого не может… я зимой весила больше, а зимой всё было хуже. Так что я в растерянности и не знаю, чему верить. С одной стороны, у меня даже какое-то болезненное облегчение, если вес действительно меньше, чем я думала. С другой – мы все прекрасно понимаем, что ничего хорошего в этом нет. 🙈
For those that know, I have SEVERE anxiety. What many people DON'T know is that I've also struggled with body dysmorphia. It's a mental condition involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. This flaw could be minor or even imagined, however the person may still obsess over the issue for hours or days at a time trying to fix it. Growing up, I wasn't the skinniest but I wasn't outright heavy. But having sisters who were twigs made you stand out. As a result, any amounts of me eating were looked at and joked about as excessive. "Here comes the pig to the trough!" "Tijuana's coming! Quick hide the food!" "If you get any bigger, I'm gonna have to get a wheelbarrow and take you around." "You eat too much for me to be cooking. It's time you learned to cook." So I stopped eating. And in 7th grade, I passed out at lunch (I went about a good week skipping all but one or so meals every few days and I NEVER ate lunch). The school nurse suggested I could have anorexia and suggested calling my grandmother. I begged her not to and just equated it to me being tired and forgetting. After that I was more careful to not let it show. My eating habits have never been the same--and neither has my view on my body. Worse, still was the "shame" I was put through by girls bigger than me when I'd cry out how upset I was that I was 'fat'! "Girl STFU you are not fat!" "Ugh I'm so sick of skinny girls crying for attention by calling themselves fat!" So I kept my thoughts to myself. Letting the damage eat away at me. Until now. My weight has fluctuated....but my views on myself have too. And I'm in a much better headspace. I rarely used to shop for clothes because I couldn't see myself in the cute smaller clothes and I refused to buy anymore t-shirts. This purchase was MAJOR. Not only did I pick something to BUY that was form fitting, it reveals a little midriff! Be kind to your friends who see themselves a certain way. Their eyes may not be as clear as yours
P.S. Peep my anxiety bracelet in the second pic!! Thank you Star Sign Studio!! #MentalHealthAwareness #BodyDysmorphia #BeKind #AnorexiaAwareness #BlackPeopleCanHaveEatingDisorders #BlackMentalHealth #StarSignStudios
Absolutely loving my life at the moment.
Good foods, new water colour hobbie found and it just feels like I’m finding new pillars to rely on rather than destructive habits :)
Вчера был еще один рекавери-вин: утром я очень плотно позавтракала, и в течение дня есть мне не хотелось от слова «вообще», и я даже подумывала поужинать одним лишь йогуртом... Но случилось так, что МЧ написал его друг, который три недели назад стал отцом, и мы поехали к ним в гости знакомится с ребенком. И так там до вечера и остались, причем вечер знакомства плавно перерос в барбекю. 🍖🍗
Я прям горжусь собой. Еще вчера МЧ исполнял мои творческие задумки, фотографируя меня, и мне показалось, когда я смотрела фотографии, что мое лицо слегка округлилось. Может, просто показалось. А может и нет.
Сегодня в половину четвертого иду к психологу. Надеюсь, получится что-то продуктивное.
К слову, трехнедельный младенец — зрелище чрезвычайно милое.
For the longest time skating was all that mattered to me.
If was my entire life - my entire identity. I put pressure on myself to be perfect, to succeed no matter the cost. In turn, my eating disorder swallowed me alive - with no remorse.
Once my eating disorder took over, soon anorexia became the only thing that mattered to me. I quickly became too sick to skate. . . but my eating disorder was there to “comfort” me. I used to think. . . If I can’t skate anymore, then at least I have my eating disorder.
Anorexia became my identity. . . skating, friends, and even family didn’t even matter anymore.
Once I embarked on recovery, I soon began to miss the sport I had once cherished more than anything. But once again, I became obsessive, in the fact that if I couldn’t skate, I couldn’t stick to recovery. It was all or nothing for me.
During treatment, I came to the full realization that my competitive skating career was over. . . which has been my entire world for most of life. Losing skating was the key reason why I kept using my eating disorder behaviors - to mask the pain of this loss.
I never truly mourned the loss of my skating, but it finally came to the surface during my treatment stay. At first I felt it wasn’t a big deal that I couldn’t skate anymore - as long as I still had my ED. However, losing both my eating disorder and skating made me feel like I had nothing left. It felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me - I had no purpose.
After my treatment stay this winter, I began to realize that I can actually live my life without skating or anorexia. I have been able to find my true identity outside of the sport. I am more than “the skater” or “the anorexic.” There’s so much more to life that has brought me happiness, passion, and purpose. So although I miss it dearly, I am finally at peace with myself. ✨
Today’s bites, 🍣🍱🥟🍤🍩🍦🍡
Some rainbow flowers, 💐 🌈
Bubble tea, 🍵
And an ankle tattoo I spotted on the underground 🚇 which is from the Little Prince....
Does anyone acc know what it’s of tho ¿?... 🤔 😋 🐍
Link in bio! Willen jullie dit asjeblieft delen? Om zo de zorg voor mentale problemen te steunen.
Link in bio!
Willen jullie dit alsjeblieft delen? om zo de zorg voor mentale problemen zoals anorexia te steunen. Zou lief zijn! En doneren mag natuurlijk ook!
En heel veel shoutouts naar jullie allemaal. Ik geloof in jullie en jullie kunnen dit allemaal. Versla die rot eetstoornis en ga leren leven. Ik geloof in jullie😘