I lived in a semi conscious state for most of my life, mechanically doing the things that were “expected” of me by myself and society but I was never happy. I did the Work. I went back in my head year to year after year after year after year and realized it was never. I did research on the computer for years reading psychology books (family dynamics/CEN) and nutrition books and trauma books trying to actually figure everything out. #science
Saved me because it is the only way for me to make sense of the things that happened in my head and the effect they had On my body. Today I am #grateful
that I experienced something so significant that my life changed in one night. In a just a few hours.
It has cost me dearly. Years and years of cowering and tears, friends and family, my livelihood, it compromised my my mental abilities and still I would not undo it if I could. #consciousness
I learned that our emotions and thoughts are mostly habitual. They run around and around in our head like a marble and after a while they wear a groove and so the thoughts just mindlessly follow the groove. The longer you think the same thought the deeper the groove. So you see the Work is to get the marble on a different groove which sounds impossible but it is not. You have to think the new thoughts MORE and the old thoughts less and that is why #futureselfjournaling
has been helping because science says I need to say them in my head, think them in my mind, write them with my hand (not type) all while quieting the intrusive thoughts that don’t serve me well. I believe (now) that everyone has Work even if you didn’t have a near death experience because we all have something painful that has affected us and we would benefit from dealing with it holistically.