there's a whale called the 52 Hz Whale, it's the loneliest because the frequency of it's calls cannot be heard by other whales. you read up and think that's what you are. the 52 Hz whale. shouting at your loudest but no one can hear it.
that's what you like to believe, at least.
deep down, you know that you just like the feeling of being that way. like every one hears you but no one listens.
you like the feeling of being misunderstood and the feeling of not being like everyone else around you. and its always the loneliness and the sadness that has catered to those needs of wanting to feel anything else but empty and numb.
that's how pain is formed and you need to feel something in order to feel something that isn't it.
it's pathetic and you know it. how you've turned your sadness into narcissism. into something you find yourself fantasizing about.
they tell you that things like these shouldn't be glorified or romanticised. and here you are, building shrines and pedestals for it. here you are, turning into a habit, a compulsion to feel it. because you cannot handle feeling nothing for another day.