Oh, how we shrink ourselves, cage ourselves, shape and mold ourselves to please the un-pleasable. I found myself constantly on my tip toes making sure I kept up with whatever new thing would be thrown at me to make me feel not good enough for the narc. How I was told one minute that I was "the one", with a connection like never before, and the next made to feel as though I had missing pieces, how I may not ever be able to satisfy his needs.
The triangulation and comparisons so insidiously slipped in to throw me off kilter, make me anxious and nervous that I would lose this beloved connection. In desperation I would betray my own hurt feelings, MY boundaries, and MY needs to be whatever I thought was going to keep him happy and satisfied with me.
Looking back, it is so clear now how much I compromised myself, how I put this awful and undeserving person on some pedestal, how I lied to myself to hold onto a fantasy, how much I lost myself, my power, and my bearings, how I slowly wilted away.
In the end, it's all for nothing, you never keep them anyway. It's an illusion. They have no loyalty, no true love or appreciation for us. We are temporarily satiating their sickness. Only in choosing to break away, choosing NOT to lose ourselves in any kind of relationship that makes us feel this way, can we embrace and heal our deepest wounds, find our true power, our ultimate strength, and a more whole and encompassing self love than we have ever had before. Choose health. Choose joy. Choose peace. Choose YOU...#survivor #thriving #badass #goddess #healing #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #subconciouspatterns #abuse #narcissisticsupply #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #abusesurvivor #pathologicalliars #manipulators #mentalabuse #emotionalabuse #survivorofabuse #nocontact #idealizedevaluediscard #trauma #mindgames #wolfinsheepsclothing #conartist #malignantnarcissist #covertnarcissist #covertabuse #boundaries #psychologicalabuse #lovebombing #hoovering