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FDOE! Today I’m traveling to a different city in my country. It’s where I always spend my summer vacations and it’s also where I first got my ED.. so wish me luck that this summer goes better than the last. Because I know for sure my dad will not let me return home unless I get weight restored this summer. Everyone will also be watching my every move of when I eat and ho much I exercise. Ughh... honestly, wish me luck.. #strongerthanmyeatingdisorder #strongerthanana #strongerthananarmy #strongerthanmymind #anorexiarecovery #anorexiafighter #anorexianerviosa #recovery #anorexicgirl #anorexiamemes #anorexic #anorexiaawareness #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #anarecovery #edfam #edrecovery #recoveryisworthit #foodismedicine #edfighter #eatittobeatit #fuckanorexia #anawho #anabegone #nourishtoflourish #scalesdontmatter #recoveryed #recoveringanorexic #IAMNOT1in5
Packade ned lunchen och cyklade till skogen, mycket mysigare att käka där😌🌲☺️ Ingen lättkeso här inte✊🏻
Went to a music festival at my local pub yesterday and had a honey pulled chicken sandwich and some sweet potato fries (unpictured) 😍😍 Had a really good time but I had to leave early because I needed to babysit for my sister. :) Sorry for being so inactive I lost my motivation to post AGAIN. I really will try to post more ❤️
(Pic of my hot @freaksofnaturepuds chocolate fudge pudding I spontaneously challenged myself to a couple of nights ago, was bloody delicious. I post my daily fearfood and general achievements on my story so keep your eyes on my story for a daily dose of #fuckyoued 😘) ------------------------------------------ So, tonight I’d thought I’d share some pretty eye-opening things that my dietician has shared with me. ------------------------------------------ The starvation state. May I just preface with this: you do NOT have to be underweight to be in a state of starvation. ------------------------------------------ She shared with me a sheet explaining symptoms that I could quickly resonate with, especially when I was actively relapsing. If you swipe, you’ll be able to read it so I don’t have to list them here. How many of those apply to you? ------------------------------------------ Basically, what science has discovered, through the Minnesota Starvation Study, is that nearly all mental, physical and emotional characteristics of eating disorders can be put down to being in a mode of semi-or-full starvation, as all the subjects in the study inhabited traits such as obsessions with food, weird eating habits, delaying food, social isolation, depression, anxiety, exercising to ‘deserve’ food, binging, purging.... and then in the refeeding stage, experienced extreme hunger where they were eating upwards of 6000 calories a day and never feeling satisfied despite being full to the brim physically, and also experienced feelings of disgust at their body during this phase of weight regain. ------------------------------------------ Through being shown this sheet and reading up on the Minnesota Starvation Study, I realise that nearly all my issues over the past 3 years have been caused or exacerbated by being in a state of semi starvation. ------------------------------------------ Realising this is eye-opening because there really only is one cure, and that is eating and responding to your body, gaining weight to what you BODY deems as a maintainable place, and consistently not falling below a high enough intake. ------------------------------------------ (Continued 👇🏽)
Hey Leute 💗 Es tut mir wirklich leid, dass ich in letzter Zeit so inaktiv bin 😩 Aber momentan holt mich das echte Leben einfach ein und ich bin eigentlich so gut wie die ganze Zeit mit Freunden unterwegs 😍 Dadurch habe ich auch viel mehr Erfolge, weil ich einfach merke wie viel wichtiger es ist Spaß zu haben, als die perfekte Figur zu haben ❣️ Ich hoffe ihr versteht das 🌹 Heute habe ich mein komplettes Zimmer umgestellt, weil ich einfach eine Veränderung in meinem Leben gebraucht habe 😊 Danach war ich spazieren und bin mit einer Freundin ins Schwimmbad gefahren 🤗 Wir sind danach auch noch zu Mc donalds gegangen um einen Snack zu essen und verdammt dieser Donut war so lecker 🧡
#Snack tonight was some yogurt and fruit 😊 R and I only had some toast for tea as we had a decent lunch out 😋⁣ ⁣ Today was such a lovely day, was so great getting out and enjoying the sun without having the day dictated by food and eating. Was just what I needed, and it was even better because R surprised me with it. It makes a difference knowing people care about you and want to make you happy ❤️⁣ ⁣ #anorexiarecovery #anarecovery #edrecovery #anafighter #fuckana #edwarrior #edfight #naourishnotpunish #foodisfuel #eatittobeatit #recovery #calories #strongerthanana #realrecovery #nomorerestriction #anorexia #beatingana #smallstepscount #strongnotskinny #edfamily #ed #anawho #fearfoods #mentalheath #eatingdisorders #foodismedicine #mentalhealthawareness
It’s working. ------------------------------------------ It’s taken months. Months of perseverance and hard work, breaking habits and feeling those horrific feelings of discomfort. But finally, finally it’s paying off. ------------------------------------------ It’s like all these things I knew I knew i needed to do but felt too utterly trapped to do or struggled against the concept of doing them... I can now do? ------------------------------------------ Spontaneous eating. Eating in different places. Facing up to fearfoods and eating things I haven’t eaten in literally years. Notablely over the past few days: chocolate bars, hot cross buns, cream cheese bagels, SHOPBOUGHT CHOCOLATE FUDGE PUDDING, to name a few. Letting mum cook me dinner with no input or control. And letting go of behaviours I’ve held for years and years, ie exercising vigorously which I only just realise was a form of purging. I am now listening to my body and responding to its cues, and not compensating. ------------------------------------------ All of these things, all of the things I’m doing, are unlocking my mind each day. Honestly I thought I felt happy before, but it’s was fleeting and often induced by endorphins, but nothing compares to the inner contentment I feel now. It’s real. I feel real again. I feel human again. ------------------------------------------ And tonight I’m going out with my friends with cocktails and dinner out. Unplanned, unknown. But the unknown doesn’t fill me with dread anymore. Because all of the achievements and realisations I’ve had over the past few months are through stepping into the unknown. ------------------------------------------ Slowly but surely, I’m starting to live again. And it has truly been years. But finally, it’s happening. No matter what life throws at me - I know one thing. Don’t let the bugger in. Not anymore. I’ve come too far, I’ve got too far to fall. ❤️ #bethebiggerbully
Frukost igen då🙃 Idag hade jag tänkt att jag skulle försöka att nå 2000 kcal, brukar alltid ligga en bit under det. Men vi får se hur det går. Därför tog jag en extra stor frukost, det är ett litet ägg från min farbrors höns, ett glas mjölk, en skiva kavring med färskost och lemoncurd (superbra kombination faktiskt😉) och en skål med yoghurt med mango och lite honung i😋 Fick ganska mycket ångest efter, och även innan, men gick på en promenad och läste bok så nu känns det lite bättre😌🙂 Swipa också för rådisar som käkar upp mina platta ”7 blomster”😜 PS: det är råttorna som har slickat rent skålen, inte jag🙈 Släppte ut dem efter att jag hade ätit upp, annars försöker de bara ta min mat😂😅
Hey Leute 💗 Heute fahre ich in die Stadt ein bisschen shoppen und werde mich wahrscheinlich auch mit Starbucks challengen ❣️ Ich habe mir überlegt welchem fearfood ich mich als nächtes widme und ich bin zu einem Erhenbis gekommen 😍 Die liebe @blackvioletworld hat mir belegte Brötchen vorgeschlagen und ich habe mir überlegt, dass ich allgemein erstmal mit Bäckerprodukten, wie einer Nussschnecke, einem Croissant und auch Mehrkornbrötchen widme 🤗 Ab Montag fange ich damit an und ich wünsche euch noch eine wunderschöne Zeit ❤️
My biggest issue for years is I have food on a pedestal. I will glorify food, will treat it like gold rather than oxygen, treat it like something to cherish, to preserve, to delay, to base my whole day surrounding it. I felt that the only way I could deserve the food was if I’d create the ‘perfect’ situation to consume it, eg, to have exercised, eat in a certain place, eat with no distractions from others, eat in weird ways, use what I now realise as deeply engrained disordered behaviours. But the problem is, the more I glorified the food, the less I treated it as necessary, the more scared I became and the smaller group of foods I felt I deserved because of it, because being scared or anxious wasn’t the ‘perfect’ situation. ------------------------------------------ But my what my personal recovery journey comprises of and ultimately what I know now will say goodbye to anorexia for good is for me to have to treat food as just fuel. Eat it, move on. ------------------------------------------ Yes there are select times where of course food can be more ‘enjoyed’ however it got to a point for me where I wouldn’t bloody eat because the conditions were not in my control, in my perfectly fine-tuned control. ------------------------------------------ And funnily enough the less I’m glorifying food, the more able I am to beat fearfoods and challenge my rules. For instance, this was my first proper wrapped chocolate bar in recovery. My ED doesn’t like the concept of just eating one thing, because it’s not effectively ‘perfect’ and I can’t use all these disordered ways of eating. ------------------------------------------ But you know what? This was fucking banging. And I connected with something deep inside of me when eating this, and that thing was my inner kid, my inner childhood memories of eating chocolate bars in the car on the way home after school. Or after lunch. Or dipped in a yogurt after dinner for dessert. Or as a ‘prize’ after the dentist (ironic, I know!). ------------------------------------------ It feels so fucking good to be letting go of habits I’ve held for so many years. ------------------------------------------ It’s about time I did ❤️
Lunchen idag blev KESO😍 och ett glas mjölk som pappa fick mig att ta. Älskar keso, skulle gärna äta det varje dag😌 Midsommarmaten blir nog ikväll👍🏻
Glad midsommar🌞 Idag åkte vi ut till en brygga i närheten och åt frukost, så mysigt😊😋 Senare ska vi åka till några släktingars stuga och fira midsommar där, blir skitkul och vara med småkusinerna😍 Jag blir mer och mer motiverad att bli frisk, men är ändå fett rädd att gå upp, så jävla efterblivet alltså🤦🏼‍♀️😩Senaste vägningen hade jag i alla fall inte gått upp, så hoppas att ämnesomsättningen har kommit ikapp!🤞🏻
I think i’m going to start writing in swedish🙈 feels more real that way, sorry non-swedish people😬🤷🏼‍♀️ Anyways, this was breakfast a few days ago🙃 I love eating breakfast on the porch now that it’s summer☺️
Hey Leute 💗 Ich bin gestern aus dem Urlaub zurückgekommen, sodass ich mich jetzt endlich mal wieder melden kann 🤗 Mein soziales Leben läuft diese Ferien wirklich so gut ❣️ Ich habe jeden Tag etwas mit Freunden gemacht und gestern, nachdem ich angekommen bin, bin ich auch direkt zu einer Freundin gefahren 😍 Das Essen lief im Urlaub leider nicht so gut, aber das hat leider auch noch weitere sehr private Gründe 🤭 Ich hoffe ihr genießt die Tage 💗
FINALLY A FULL DAY OF EATING!! FDOE! The only thing unpictured is an extra spoon of PB with the breakfast and two mint flavored gums during the day :3 The inside of the schnitzel was filled with smoked meat, cheese and red onion btw! IT WAS SO TASTYYY!!! P.S: Didn’t track calories today #strongerthanmyeatingdisorder #strongerthanana #strongerthananarmy #strongerthanmymind #anorexiarecovery #anorexiafighter #anorexianerviosa #recovery #anorexicgirl #anorexiamemes #anorexic #anorexiaawareness #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #anarecovery #edfam #edrecovery #recoveryisworthit #foodismedicine #edfighter #eatittobeatit #fuckanorexia #anawho #anabegone #nourishtoflourish #scalesdontmatter #recoveryed #recoveringanorexic #IAMNOT1in5
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