I took this picture a couple of weeks ago. I've looked at it hundreds of times because even though it's just a filter.. It represents the real me. But I held off on posting it, and truthfully I wasn't going to. I needed to come to terms with what it means and maybe I still am. As I get closer to starting hormones, which will be at the end of the summer, I'm closing a big chapter of my life and opening a new one.
For the last two years, I've grown more comfortable with friends but have grown more uncomfortable with the majority of my local unchosen family. Some of you support me, some of you *think* you support me and many of you just don't get it. That's fine, because there's a large group of you and I'm not here to hold any of your hand's through MY transition. The comments like "they will always call you Chelsie" or "you will always be a girl to us" or "you obviously aren't sure about this" are ones that I do not respond to aloud, but that doesn't mean I haven't made decisions as a result of them. These are NOT ok comments to make but after two years of trying to educate despite constant resistance, I give up.
The bottom line is that I'm doing me and if that means moving on from the gatherings, birthday's, etc. then that's a choice I'm willing to make. I will no longer put other people ahead of my own happiness and I will no longer let my pathetic desire for family acceptance hold me back from pursuing MY life. I gave you guys two years, all of you know and yet many of you haven't even made an effort. I'm not blind guys, and I'm sure as shit not stupid -- I see the dirty looks and I know avoidant behaviours. I mean after all, my presence was never noticed so my absense will not matter, and some of you never liked me anyway... but that's cool because in most of those cases the feeling was mutual anyway 🤷♂️ #transasfuck #stillhere #stillqueer #ftm #selfie #instagay #guyswithtattoos #transisbeautiful #transition #happiness #pride #lgbtq #trans #transgender #queer #thisiswhattranslookslike #femaletofuckyou