I was listening to a song the other day...& I had the thought about my age 19-early 20 year old self in these photos , 💃
“I need to BOTTLE UP that SPIRIT of me...& pour it back in when I start to forget who I really am.” .
Every season of life has some of my favorite favorite parts ❤️ And I loved SO MANY parts of this one!
I was DETERMINED & emotionally/mentally #selfreliant
...I had FUN always! 🎉 Even through all the HARD WORK of school full time (which paid every penny for myself) & while working 20-30 hours a week multiple jobs. .
I visited 5 countries in 1 year (I lived in Guatemala for 2 months) 🧳 ✈️ Lived in Utah with my best friend, lots of weekend trips with friends. .
If there was something I wanted to do -
OF COURSE I WAS GOING TO DO IT! 💪
I figured it out & ENJOYED the process.
I loved my friends & family, & they would tell me there #opinions
about whatever it was & I would say, “Thanks, but unless I like my reasons...I’m going to keep doing me.” I wanted to figure out things on my own & in my own time.
When I start to forget that LIVELY 💃#determinedspirit
...I start to become a SHELL of a person I don’t even recognize. 🐚 I feel lost, unsteady, confused, the constant over analyzing & doubting of myself felt like I was like constantly living in a #reactive
, out for #survivalstate
When I would hang out with those who had known me for a long time, or when I would travel with my babies, I would get little glimpses of #theREALme
. But when home I was back in the dark. Especially when I was alone at night. #insomnia
🤦🏼♀️ This “shell effect” 🐚 most notably happened when I was in the depths of #anxiety
...throw in some life challenges = 🤯😫
Something happened last summer though, I REMEMBERED #whoIreallywas
. Life came back in me 🙌 💃A large part I think because I was SO TIRED of living in the other state of mind. I FOUGHT HARD to get back the lively spirit in me. 👊 I decided that my life needed the #BESTversionofme
! It needed the woman of #FAITH
, of strength & LIGHT! ☀️ My loved my life then, & I love my life NOW ❤️ Both beautiful, transformative seasons...full of heartache, challenges, but also SO MUCH LOVE & SO MUCH FUN! 🎉💃❤️