Happy birthday, handsome.
Only 29 years old today, and look at all the life you lived. Now you’ll always be as young, wild and free as you are in this picture - forever bursting with happiness and light.
I find myself happily shaking my head in awe when I reflect on the content of your character and the impact you left on every person you met. We were so lucky to have you down here for the time we did. Your love, genuine heart, quick wit, sharp mind, positive attitude, passion for life, true friendship, brave spirit, leadership, and EVERYTHING about you will never be forgotten. You left your mark well on this world. You still amaze me every day, and you always will.
I love you.
You can celebrate Asher with me today by:
- Getting out in nature and being present in that moment
- Sharing your light by doing something unexpected and kind for someone else
- Reaching out to others who love him
- Sipping on a mezcal or vodka / soda and thinking of your happiest memory with Asher
- Talking to him out loud and sharing how you’re doing
It’s been 3 months today. It feels like 3 years ago and 3 hours ago at the same time. “How are you doing?” - the question that has no good answer.
The standard? You know, just taking it day by day. The inspiring? It’s tough, but I know Asher is with me and guiding me. I can still feel him in everything I do. The brutal? Good I think, considering I was there for the death of the man I love and my entire future was ripped away. The honest? I have no idea, but Asher wouldn’t have left me if he didn’t know that I was going to be okay.
The thing is, each one of these answers is accurate. It just depends on the minute you ask on which answer you get.
Telling someone “I’m doing good” comes with a lot of inexplicable guilt, which is bullshit but true. I do have good moments, great moments even. He’ll send me a sign or I’ll do something I know he would have loved and suddenly I have a strong and positive mindset. But often times a few minutes later, I’ll plummet into replaying that night by milliseconds or start crying for hours because he should be here, getting into bed and saying our routine:
Do you need anything?
You have me.
It’s the swinging between extremes that’s unnerving. But I know every emotion that comes up is okay and has its purpose, and I anticipated doing most of my processing and healing here in Kenya. I’m surrounded by nature and incredible people, and my heart is telling me that I’m in the right place.
I’m not one for diary-like Instagram posts. But now that I’m on the other side of the world I want people to know that no matter what answer I give that day or how I’m feeling in that moment, I’m on the right path.
I’ve had a lot to reflect on over the past three months. A main thing I focus on is that I have a lot to be thankful for - the people we have in our circles are good to the core. I would be lost without them, but they’re making sure that doesn’t happen.
Overall, I’m doing good.
Thank you for making our last day together the best one. I miss you.
I’ll always remember:
- Leaving Hamilton at intermission because just walking around together talking was better than any event
- Sleeping on a mattress on your floor for the first year like giddy college kids
- Chasing you around the house with sunscreen as you yelled it felt like mayonnaise
- Running back and forth across the street to the Padres stadium for many spontaneous baseball dates
- You postmating a weeks worth of my favorite banana lattes so I could have one every morning (and you hate bananas)
- Closing down restaurants and looking around to realize we were the only ones left
- Finding the light sabers that you kept from the night of our first kiss
- Sneaking our way into Myanmar to have our love blessed by a monk, and loving that you wore that ratty old string for over a year until it fell off
- Deciding the name of our first son
- Keeping our doors unlocked so anyone could come in anytime
- Knowing John Mayer’s Wildfire would be our wedding song and intentionally playing it at times we knew we were creating happy memories
- Cooking up breakfast sandwiches every weekend and pursuing the perfect method of making hashbrowns
- You tying my shoelaces when you saw they were undone
- Staring at you thinking about how much I love you and you smooching a kiss my way when you caught me
- Trying on outfits for each other before going on scootventures
- Sitting around talking for hours and hours with Russell and Danielle
- Scooting our chairs closer together at restaurants to be nearer to each other
- Texting “wanna hang out?” at the end of the day from the other room
- Arguing over who got to make the other person coffee or give the other the best bites of food
- Trusting you completely and being on the same wavelength with literally everything
- Talking about having our kids as close as possible to get them out of the house and have Us time again
- Falling asleep in your arms every night with our legs interlocked
- You covering my feetsies in the morning so I wouldnt get cold
- Every single thing about you
I’m celebrating three beautiful years with you today. I know you’re here celebrating with me too ❤️
Hearing stories and memories that capture Asher and what he meant to others have been the best remedy.
I’d like to collect these moments in one place to treasure forever. If everyone could please send me the memory that stands out the most in your mind when you think of Asher - something he said, did, how he changed you, what he meant to you… no memory is too big or small, short or long. Funny, inspiring, loving, mischievous, I want to hear them all. Even if we don’t know each other well.
And, if you have pictures of Asher or the both of you together, please send me the one where Asher looks the happiest. If not, I’d still love to hear your words.
Please Instagram / Facebook message me or send these this week to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thank you ❤️
Bigger than you think you can.
Pursue your souls calling, let it lead your life.
Do not be afraid.
Take care of your loved ones.
Take care of everyone.
Shine from the inside.
Push yourself to grow in every direction you can.
In everything you do, give it your all.
And then turn up the dial and give it some more.
Discover what makes others feel recognized and make a point to do that.
Make every interaction personal.
Determine what you want in life and then race toward it, even if you don’t know the full path when you begin.
Take calculated risks.
Step up to the plate as a man and a person, even when no one will know if you don’t.
Be a force to be reckoned with.
And when you find your soulmate, love them so deeply that purely that they can feel God in your love.
Asher lived an extraordinary life. He LIVED more in his 28 years than most people do in a lifetime. He traveled to hundreds of cities across the world (over 60 with me), ate at the world’s best restaurants, pushed the limitless of extreme sports like heli-skiing, was a serial entrepreneurial, built a dynamic and successful empire, was beloved by everyone who knew him, flew helicopters as a hobby, and - at the end - found his true calling. His life is something out of storybooks.
And in his final days, his soul shone in Kenya. There was an unfiltered happiness and light behind his eyes - pure joy for days leading up to it. He flew a helicopter himself for the first time in Africa just days before, set a clear path to begin work on his life’s mission, filled our days together with love and happiness, and explored the Suguta Valley on what I know was the best day of his life.
Asher said the Suguta is the closest thing to Heaven on Earth. He simply took a helicopter from one Heaven to another.
Thank you for the love and support I’ve received. It’s a true testament to how deeply and powerfully Asher affected our community and each person he touched. I know he is grateful, and I’m beyond proud to watch his impact take root.
We’ll hold his celebration at the Embarcadero Marina Park South, where we went the night of our first kiss, this Sunday the 17th at 1:30pm.
In true Asher fashion, wear athleisure or comfortable clothes and all are welcome.
If Asher were here, he would know what to say. I do not.
What I keep coming back to is how lucky I am to have been his. I believe in soulmates because of the way we love each other. Limitless, honestly, and to the depths of our souls. I believe you can measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you. And for him, those people are countless. I believe we have one of the world’s greatest love stories. I wouldn’t trade it for anyones.
The heartfelt stories I’ve heard this week have shown how many people he changed and uplifted with his jovial spirit, immeasurable kindness, and thirst for life. He guided others to see their own greatness, dreamed and achieved bigger than most visionaries, endlessly pursued growth of self and soul, and loved me in a truly spectacular way.
I am so thankful I got a front row seat to watching him soar. It was magnificent.
Asher - while I’ll never see you on one knee, stand beside you at the altar at Ol Malo, build our home together, and carry your children - I know you’re by my side now and always. I can feel you.
You went out the way you lived - in an extraordinary way. On the best day of your life, in the place you loved most on earth, cocktail in hand, in a helicopter, and after saving my life. You did good baby.
I love you.
On a sailboat. On the Indian Ocean. In Kenya. Cuddled up with Asher. Waking with the sunrise. Life doesn’t get much better than this. ☕️🌅⛵️ #OlMaloAdventures #happyplace